The Legend of the Half-Handed Man - The Full Legend

If there is one question that I get more than any other, it's "what is wrong with you, you bleeding psycho?" But if there's a second question I get asked more than any other, it's "what happened to your hand?" Unfortunately, due to amnesia, Statutes of Limitations, and matters of national security, I have never been able to give anyone a straight answer.

Until now.

It has taken a great deal of soul searching to get to this point. Many demons, personal and infernal, had to be defeated before I was free to share this tale. The regime of a despotic... despot, had to be toppled before this information could be released to the public, and even then, it took a Freedom of Information Act request before the records were made available.

But now, finally, my story can be told. And so, without further ado, the Galvin Institute for Higher Sarcasm proudly presents the Somewhat True Stories of How Thomas Lost His Fingers.

Just a quick note: in this series, I've managed to cram an Author Avatar into a Frame Story that is designed to devolve into an epic Mary Sue Fan Fic. Of myself. Because I'm just that good.